Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
