A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
