We're facebook friends in real life
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
