I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
