I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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