watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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