im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
