As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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