I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
