that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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