Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
