When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
