I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
