Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
