Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My breasts were aching with rage.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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