"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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