the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
