your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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