Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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