Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I believe in your delicious
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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