The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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