let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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