If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
