Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
