talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Someone shit on the floor
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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