when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
