He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
