you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i came on her dog
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
