Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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