it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
