We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
