i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
