i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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