please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
as a side note pls kill me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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