I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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