too bad you live with your parents still
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
