if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
