Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
