She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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