question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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