Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize