if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
