Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
