john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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