He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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