i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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