i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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