If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
