My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize