I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
