I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
