At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
