I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Can Purell be used as lube?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize