If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
