just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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