you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize