I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
