I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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