So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
