Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
