is your mom at the bar?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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