addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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