if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
