she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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