i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
