Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Can you bring me the toilet please
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
