I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
