I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize