Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
