Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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