I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize