Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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