But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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