Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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