the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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