i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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