I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize