He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize