it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
