Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
