I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
