do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
